OBAMA PROPOSES TO FILL ALL WV VALLEYS

The Obama administration has proposed a solution to the flooding in southern West Virginia--remove the surrounding mountaintops in the state and fill the easily flooded valleys. Surplus money will be used to flatten the Mountain State!

However, his plan has been hit with vociferous opposition from various environmental groups: Josh Shinnk from WV Save Our Airstreams explains, “Valley filling will disrupt the free flow of air streams through the ravine, hollow and valley. Just as there are streams of water, there are streams of air that flow around our hills and mountains. These streams are essential to the survival of the ecosystem--US!”

Ned Krazynski, of the enviro-watchdog group, Air Heads, totally agrees, “This airflow is essential to provide ventilation to endangered species of flora and fauna present on that site. The threatened Poison Ivy de Vale is one species on that site which could not survive without the proper movement of valley air streams. Also, a related species, Poison Ivy de Summit, indigenous to mountain tops, are threatened by elevated levels of valley-air on the flattened hilltops. Also, the Three-toed, No-nosed Purple Flurple is believed to use the vast wetlands at that site as a migratory stopover. Do we want Flurples floundering forlornly on flat fill? Phooey! I ask you to do what you can to block the governor from carelessly wiping out these species.”

Dr. Ivan Scrulous, of the WV Save the Poison Ivy League, strongly endorsed the position of Krazynski and WVPWC. However, he also issued a warning concerning the dangers of WAD (Wind and air Displacement), “Displacing the air from filled valleys creates potential threats to the atmosphere: First, raising the valley floor to hill top level creates a column of compressed air above that geographical location. This slight increase of atmospheric pressure above the filled valley creates a bulge in the ozone layer. This bulge--or SE (Stratospheric Eruption)--protrudes into space where ozone molecules are more exposed to cosmic rays, which causes nuclear friction, which produces a rise in the ozone thermal canopy , which is believed to enhance the effects of El Nino and El Nina on the earth, which causes increased tornado and drought activity on earth, which leads to Al Gore, the father of the “set the air free” movement, possibly running for President again in 2012. And, when you fill a valley, you are decreasing the S2S (Shade to Sun) quotient. As any loyal West Virginian knows, the north side of a mountain--i.e. the south side of a valley--is always in the shade. However, when you raise the valley floor to hilltop level, where are you going to get the shade to sun, heating to cooling, ratio necessary for wind production--which is caused by the mixture of hot and cold air above the valleys? If we don’t have this dynamic operation going on, then you cannot make wind; if you cannot make wind, there will be no weather. If there is no weather, well...you see my point. At least, I hope you do.”

Rev. Seymour “Harry” See, of the WV Concerned Council of Chipmunks and Churches, also reminds us that valleys and mountaintops are sacred, “If God wanted to make flat top mountains and filled valleys, then He/She/It would have done it in the first place!”

Maude Lint, an elderly resident of Thistle Bottom, WV says, “If’n I wanted to live on the flats, I’d have moved to Ohioer a long time ago!”

Will Obama gamble with the next election by pushing his planned flood protection plan? WV environmentalists warn him, “Let people be flooded; but, save our mountains AND our valleys!”