List of 17 AWOL Afghan Military Members Sought in U.S.

The following 17 Afghan military members have gone AWOL from an Air Force base in Texas and are being sought in a nationwide alert in the U.S. Citizens are asked to be on the look out for any of the following:

Mohammad Mo. Mohammad, born 8/8/1977 (Carries decapitating knife at all times.)

Mohammad M. "C-4" Mohammad, born 9/3/1982 (Drives late model Mercedes with burning fuse.

Mohammad Muhammad Mohammad, born 12/4/1966 (Has box cutter collection.)

M.M. Mohammad, born 8/27/1982 (Has tattoo of woman scantily clad in a head-to-toe burqa on right arm)

Mohammad M. Mohammad, Jr. 5/5/1978 (Had tattoo of "MOM" burned off chest with hot sword--because he had to honor kill her for getting raped.)

Mo Hammad Mohammad, born 5/5/1984 (Has large ball peen hammer indentation on forehead to match the one on his hero's forehead.)

M. M. Mohammad III, born 5/7/1985 (Had one eye plucked out for trying to look into the eyes of a woman wearing burqa with screen visor.)

M. "Lucky" Mohammad, born 1/1/1987 (Has one eye, one arm, one leg and one testicle missing.)

Mohammad "Al" Mohammad, born 4/24/1974 (Has "USA is Great Satan" tattooed on forehead. Usually wears bangs to cover it up.)

Mohammad (Last name unknown--thought to be Mohammad), born 6/3/1981

M.M.M., two dates of birth are listed on the alert: 6/2/1982 and 7/2/1982 (Survived car bombing--he was driving!)

Muhammad M. Mohammad, born 5/2/1983 (Is proud of blowing up crowded markets. Always bragging about it.)

Mohamed Mohammad, born 6/1/1987 (Has "Jews are Pig" tattooed on fingers and thumbs--where LOVE and HATE normally go.)

Muhamad Muhamad, born 8/1/1979 (Wants to learn to drive tractor trailer. Interested only in accelerating--not braking.)

M'Hammad "Mad Man" M'Hammad, born 4/5/1972 (Wears straitjacket.)

M'Hammad "Boom-Boom" M'Hammad, IV, born 12/31/1979 (Wears bomb instead of turban.)

Mo Ham Mad, born 4/1/1978 (Kills people who ask if "Ham" is his nickname.)

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