'08 PM Awards: Rudy, Romney, Murtha & More!

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the first annual Political Machine Awards! Man, Sarah Palin's dress looks expensive! The long and winding campaign trail is at an end and now we political junkies are figuring out how to fill the void in our lives. One way to chase away the post-election blues is to look back at the highlights and lowlights (mostly low) of the last 20+ months. Thanks to PMers Caleb Howe and Tommy Christopher for their contributions. Now without further ado...

Worst Run Campaign: Rudy Giuliani's. Not that he ever really had a chance for the nomination, but Rudy went from front-runner to finished in record time. Great idea pinning all your hopes on Florida.

Most Awkward Campaign Moment: Mitt Romney sings "Who Let the Dogs Out" on MLK Day. What the?

Whiniest Voter: Harriet Christian. I wonder if she ended up voting for the "inadequate black male."

"You're Not Helping" Award (3-Way Tie): John Murtha, Phil Gramm, Joe the Plumber. Murtha for repeatedly insisting his constituents are a bunch of racist boobs; Gramm for calling America a nation of whiners; and Joe for being a former welfare case tax cheat non-plumber. (Joe is also in the running for Least Likely Congressional Candidate.)

Lamest Celebrity Endorsement: Chuck Norris for Mike Huckabee. I give Huck credit for having a great sense of humor and I loved Delta Force as much as the next guy, but in 2008 how many voters was Chuck Norris really going to fire up?

Best Apology: David Shuster. After accusing the Hillary campaign of "pimping out" Chelsea Clinton. Classy.

Most Despicable Person: John Edwards. You know, if you consider it despicable to cheat on your cancer-stricken wife and allegedly father and lie about a love child. But his hair really is something else, isn't it?

Sour Grapes Award: PUMA, Just Say No Deal and the other Hillary supporters who couldn't accept defeat. It's the take-your-ball-and-go-home school of party politics

Most Cringe-Worthy Homemade Campaign Video: HIllary4U&Me. There's a lot of competition in this category (Obama girl, McCain girl, and on and on) but there's something just perfectly cheesy about this one. It's kind of quaint now too.


Least Welcome Endorsement: Dick Cheney for McCain. He couldn't really think he was helping, could he?

Best Debate Moment: Ron Paul confusing the heck out of John McCain. He's for sunshine. Or something.

Most Loyal Supporters: Ron Paul's. The Paulites (or Paultards as some less generously dubbed them) took a lot of ribbing but they also broke fundraising records and created an impressive grass roots movement. Would have been interesting to see what might have happened if he'd opted for a third party run.

Lifetime Achievement Award for Ruining Your Lifetime Achievement: Ralph Nader. For wondering aloud on Fox News whether Obama is an "Uncle Tom." Time to consider retirement, Ralph.

That's all we have time for now. Bobby Jindal has reserved the hall to launch his exploratory committee.

Most Despicable Person: John Edwards. You know, if you consider it despicable to cheat on your cancer-stricken wife and allegedly father and lie about a love child. But his hair really is something else, isn't it?