THE YUPPITY-DOO-DAH CHURCH MOVEMENT

THE YUPPITY-DOO-DAH CHURCH MOVEMENT--Also called the Backyard Church Movement--
Stressing X-citement, X-perience and X-perimentation for the X-generation

written by Apaul of Tartarus, Pastor of Wallow Grave Backyard Church,


Dear Fritus, peas and grapes--the best of Cain’s offering, to you from Apaul, author of the following books of the Nous Testament: Pro-Mans, I&II Carnalians, Galivants, Effusions, Flippantians, Confusions, I&II Thatserroneous, I&II Apathy, Fritus, Fleament, and Beshrews.

Forasmuch as many have taken in hand to set forth new, modern, “with it” and “up-to-date” ideas on church growth, It seemed good to me also, having had a perfect understanding of all things ecclesiastical from the very first, to write unto thee, Fritus, my son in the faith, to instruct you on the Yuppity-Doo-Dah or Backyard Church Movement--the Third Wave--the revival and emergence of the Jeroboam religious movement. (The x-perience and x-perimentation movement is the third wave of power manifesting itself in the new millennium. The first wave was turn-of-the-century Pentecostalism; the second wave was the Charismatic movement.)

It is a new paradigm--NO that’s not twenty cents! It is a “user friendly” plan to sell religion to the modern generation. I call it “Yuppity-Doo-Dah” religion. Because, that term properly connotes the serendipitous spirituality being sought after--and how it is manifested; and, it is called “back yard Christianity” because of its emphasis on “casual Christianity.” ( I.e. your front yard is formal. That’s where formality and image is all important--where you set your artificial pink flamingos and lawn gnomes. Whereas, the backyard is where you set the lawn chairs, chaise lounges, and barbecue grill--i.e. where you can really let your hair down and relax.)

The Emerging Church paradigm involves three things: the music, the message and the mood.


Yuppity-Doo-Dah music should be 7-11 music! 7-11 music is seven words sung eleven different ways. The X-generation is the fast food, fast lane, fast life generation. It likes things fast an easy. So, hymns should be kept to simple lyrics. No more than seven words should be sung. They can be sung eleven different ways: fast, slow, soft, loud, with feeling, without feeling, happy, sad, contemplatively, prayerfully or praisefully.

Sample lyrics include, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, my friend, friend, friend.” “Happy, happy, happy, I’m happy, happy, happy.” “Heaven, heaven, heaven, O, heaven, heaven, heaven.” “I’m praying, praying, praying, praying, praying, Jesus.” “We worship, worship, worship, we worship you.” “Jesus, sweet Jesus, sweet Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.” “I feel you, Jesus, really feel you.” “We praise, praise we, we praise you.” “Yes, yes, we say yes, Jesus, yes,” Or, “We need you Jesus, we need you.” Remember: K-I-S-S (Keep It
Simple, Stupid). And, yes remember the Rock group KISS. They should be invited to hold a sacred concert.

Music with worship and with meaning--the old standards should be avoided--at all cost. This is a new age. This is Y2Khristianity! Get with it, man: Christian Rock about the Rock. The end DOES justify the means—and the music!

The Yuppity-Doo-Dah Message must be relevant. Get rid of the patriarchal dictatorial pulpit. Get rid of that platform. Get down. Get with the people--on their level. You must consider the people’s feelings. You must preach motivational messages.

Yuppies, the X-generation, do not want pie-in-the-sky religion. They want messages that are helpful for the nasty now-and-now. Messages that will help them be more successful and, thereby, even more happier: Happy! Happy! Happy! More happy! Happy! Happy!” (I think that I just wrote a new song!)

Incidentally, don’t preach--talk! In fact, use the interview format. Put husband and wives, brothers, sister, siblings, bosses and workers, etc. in the center. Interview them about their problems, their hopes, their dreams, their game plan for success, tips on child rearing, recipes, etc. Give people something relevant for their lifestyles. Talk shows are the latest! We need more Oprah and less "O, praise-uh!"

Don’t preach. Have fun. Use a game-show format for a worship program. Call
the service, “So, you want to be a Christianaire?” Quiz them. Then ask, “Is that you-ruh final ant-serrr?”

Have a contest. Give real prizes--cash prizes: CD’s, Stocks and Bonds, etc. No junk bonds! People will give more--if they get more! Why not a holy-lottery? (Give ten percent of the proceeds to missions--i.e. planting more Backyard churches.) God loves a cheerful giver! Right? Well, what could make this generation happier--more cheerful--than to have fun and make money at the same time?? It’s a win-win proposition.

God is happy. The people are happy! When those two are happy, then how can you help but be happy, as well? “Happy, happy, happy, I’m happy, happy, happy.”

Why not introduce “Sanctified Cyber-Services?” Provide laptops to everyone in attendance. Have interactive services where people surf-for-the-truth. And then, they can share what they have downloaded to the group. Cyber-church? Why not? The X-generation is the Cyber-generation! Instead of the House of God--emphasize the Mouse of God! Teach people to logon to Jesus! Teach people about the hyper-drive of the Holy Host. Teach them that God the Father is the Main Frame of our existence.

If we are going to reach and retain x-ers, we must re-tool and re-brain! Fritus, if you cannot take the heat, if you cannot change, then get out of the way for the Third Wave and a new Praise Leader! Either you relate; or, you will deflate!

The Yuppity-Doo-Dah Mood is exemplified by making your facilities user-friendly. Get rid of all but the pews. Put in a lawn chair and recliner section to replace the removed pews. Put in recessed lighting tanning lights. Set up a cappuccino stand. (WWJD—What Would Jesus Drink? Espresso?) Fill the baptistery with ice and use it as a large ice chest. Or, on special occasions, convert it to a hot tub. Have hot tub fellowships. “Hot tub! Hot Tub! Hot! Hot Tub! Hot Tub!” Another song! Build: Weight rooms, Massage rooms, Homeopathic, and Aroma Therapy Sunday School rooms

Install Play Stations in the Sunday School. Give tokens to children for learning a Bible verse. Let them play for learning Jesus stuff.

Is this all scriptural? Well, according to my book it is! Yes! Absolutely!

Jeroboam was wise to develop his alternative to the Temple worship of Rehoboam. You gotta’ re-brain to retain. Schmooze ‘em--or loose ‘em, Fritus!

He made calves of gold. What could be more cute and cuddly than a calf? We need a
kinder/gentler image of god. Don’t we? And, what could be more attractive than gold and glitter? Especially to X-ers. Jeroboam wisely connsidered “location, location, location.” Build your Backyard church where a McBurger would build a fast food joint. After all, you are after the same traffic. In fact, why not have a Burger fellowship every Sunday night? Sunday Night wrestling--a Big-Screen TV, closed-circuit, pay-per-view—fellowship? Rock and Roll concerts? (Start with oldies and work your way down to Grunge Christian Rock concerts.

Fritus, if you cannot beat--join ‘em. We NEED Backyard churches. X-rs want Backyard Churches! They are whining for them. Win the whiners!!

However, I am convinced that you are going to just keep on with praying,
preaching, and personal soul winning. Right? Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you. When the Backyard churches have the big crowds, big buildings and big programs--don’t come crying to me. Do it the old fashioned way--if you must.