Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

:

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

That was pretty good, Sam!

Stephanie wrote:That was pretty good, Sam evilbible.com!

There, fixed that for you.

Sam,

How do you reckon that prayers have such a low success rate? You would have to imagine that blind chance would give it a higher rate. Are you suggesting that somehow prayer is of "negative" value?

BTW, I don't laugh at those with whom I disagree. I do believe in hell and I believe that the lake of fire is one resident richer today. I do not actually rejoice at this death of the wicked, even though I know that the world is better of without him.

I think that your top ten list was probably created by people whose only exposure to fundamentalist Christians is through the internet and some snake handling church down Delbarton way.

Are you suggesting that ................

I think that your top ten list was ..............

Mike, you should note that the text I posted was in blue type.

Thus, I am not the author of said, just a forewarding messenger of said.

How do you reckon that prayers have such a low success rate? You would have to imagine that blind chance would give it a higher rate.

Mike, it should be, ...... and probably is, ..... obvious to most observers as to the reason "prayers have such a low success rate", ....... and the reason being is, ........ 90+% of prayers are asked .... "after the fact".

For instance, said success rate will be 10,000% better if one prays that they, their spouse, etc., ....... does not become stricken with a deadly cancer, ......... rather than waiting until after they, their spouse, etc., ....... become stricken with a deadly cancer and then praying that said deadly cancer will not killl them.

Praying that it won't rain next Tuesday ...... has greater odds of being "answered", ...... than will waiting until next Monday after the Weatherman forecasts rain on Tuesday ....... and praying it won't happen.

"After the fact prayers" .... have extremely low success rates.

Sam, that makes no sense. Of course one does not pray for matters that are of no present concern. All you would do is pray that bad things don't happen to you.

Of course, as a fundamentalist Christian I believe in a Sovereign God who can answers my prayers with yes or no. I do not worship a cosmic bellboy who does as I command.

Mike,

I understand that you are Christian, and I respect that. What I don't understand is how it can be you are a fundamentalist Christian. Are you sure that is an appropriate description of your faith?

Absolutely, Stephanie. I think that the matter is how the word has begun to take on meanings; it is kind of a "weasel word" akin to "evolution." If I say I do not believe in "evolution," I am referring to the unguided process by which amoebas become man, but someone reads this to mean that I do not believe in "change over time."

My statement of faith would read no different than Jerry Falwell's. I believe that the Bible is the Word of God, inerrant in original manuscripts, that God became Man, Jesus Christ, who lived a sinless life and died on the cross for our sins, and that through Him and because of His righteousness we can be right before a holy and just God. I further believe that there are Biblical standards for sex, language, prudent use of food and drink, etc.

The term "fundamentalist" has become, due to our culture, to mean "joy nazi who hates fun, gays, women, and Muslims." I think this is due to a lack of actual exposure to Christians. On the one hand, there are those who call themselves Christians but whose life really does not match their confession, and still others who have no confession to begin with. As the modernists clash with the fundamentalists, the "fundamentalists" are lumped together as the Elmer Gantry types still trying to prevent beards and sock hops.

My point is that not all fundamentalists are nasty, and I think the more of us you meet, the more obvious that will become. In my circle I run with university professors, francophiles, a Cambodian refugee, middle-eastern saints, nuclear engineers, attractive men and women, and yes, a couple of people I could do without.

I have to tell you, Mike, my experiences with self-professed fundamentalist Christians have been numerous and almost always unpleasant. I believe you are the exception not the rule because the more of them I meet the more convinced I am that they are amoung the most narrow-minded people living in America today. They rival fundamentalist Muslims. That isn't to say you are the only exception, or that you are the only fundamentalist Christian I know that is. However, you are in a small minority from my personal experience.

You believe in "change over time", a phrase for evolution. I think that fundamentalism is a problem because fundamentalism evolves, or changes over time, into zealotry and extremism. It's a natural progression.

Stephanie,

I grow exceedingly curious. Can you give me a particularly distasteful example of a fundie who turned you off? I know particularly troubling examples exist, but I also wonder if there isn't something about the most idiotic amongst us that makes them the most likely to interact with non-believers? Or perhaps, merely the most memorable.

I could give you lists and lists but most often it has to do with my kids. For example, many years ago when Richard & Katie were little I sent them to the North Stonington Christian Academy. I toured the school, spoke with the principal, and knew another Catholic family that sent their children there and it seemed ok and it was....until Richard made his First Communion.

The school was tiny and frequently field trips were made by the teachers and a parent, or maybe two, driving the students to whatever location. I can't remember where they went but I couldn't take another day off from work. I had just chaperoned a trip to the zoo. Anyway, I had given Richard a St. Christopher's medal and riding back from the field trip in the back of THE TEACHER'S car one of his classmates asked him what it was and he told him. The child replied, "You're Catholic? You're stupid. Catholics pray to saints and to Mary and she was nothing," or words to that effect and then some. Of course the other 2 kids in that car started in on him too. Needless to say when I picked him up from school that day he wasn't too happy.

The next day when I took him to school I went and spoke to THE TEACHER and told her I was upset that she didn't intervene and tell the boy not to speak to Richard that way about his religion and that I wanted her to speak to those children if it comes up again. Her response to me, this is to my face mind you, was "They didn't say anything that isn't true. They didn't say Richard was stupid. They said Catholics are stupid because they pray to Mary and she is nothing. She was just a vessel."

Can you imagine? Holy crap.

Now the years have gone by and I'm agnostic. I'm sort of thinking Loyd will end up like his sister and brothers and be atheist and I'm fine with that but I am NOT fine with some of the comments other parents have made to me regarding our lack of religion and I'm certainly NOT ok with those who have determined that my son is some sort of danger to their kids. I have actually been told on more than one occasion (never in person, mind you). I had one mother tell me she thought I was being a bad parent because I don't bring him to church. "Just because you and your husband choose not to believe in Jesus doesn't mean your poor son should be denied his Glory." Those were her words to me.

Oh, one more little story. This happened recently, although not to me. One of my CHRISTIAN friends attended a homeschool function and her 10 y/o son (very nice boy) was seated next to the 8 y/o daughter of what can only be described as a fundamentalist wingnut. Now these children know each other and their mothers know each other fairly well. Not their first encounter. The kids were outside to play and when these two kids got up to walk out they were holding hands. Heaven forbid a little boy and a little girl should hold hands swinging their arms on their way out to the playground! This must surely be the devil's work because the mother of the little girl made a beeline across the hall and pulled the boy into the kitchen. (this was at a church hall) Naturally, the boy's mother headed toward the kitchen to see what this woman wanted with her son. Had he done something wrong?
The other mother said, "Oh, I dealt with it." What had she dealt with, my friend insisted. If her son had done something wrong, she wanted to make sure he didn't do it again. "He was holding my daughter's hand and that is inappropriate. I don't allow boys to touch my daughter."

Mike, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? These children are 8 & 10 years old. They are little kids heading outside to play. Can you imagine what would have happened if when they were parting he'd hugged her, as he almost always hugs my son when they are saying good-bye? That poor girl would have been corrupted I suppose.

I could go on and on but I'm pretty sure you get the picture now. Sorry to rant.

Stephanie,

Have you ever listened to the theme from "Legends of the Fall". It is really nice. I love that kind of music.

Now, on to my comment. I read your post and believe me I can understand your flustration. What I fail to understand is that you seem to blame Christainity itself, instead of the people who misuse it or who use some of the most unthoughtful and unkind ways to brow beat another because they don't share the same beliefs.

I would like to explore this with you. Not to change your mind but to understand how you arrived at the conclusion you have regarding christainity.

Stephanie wrote:I could give you lists and lists but most often it has to do with my kids. For example, many years ago when Richard & Katie were little I sent them to the North Stonington Christian Academy. I toured the school, spoke with the principal, and knew another Catholic family that sent their children there and it seemed ok and it was....until Richard made his First Communion.

The school was tiny and frequently field trips were made by the teachers and a parent, or maybe two, driving the students to whatever location. I can't remember where they went but I couldn't take another day off from work. I had just chaperoned a trip to the zoo. Anyway, I had given Richard a St. Christopher's medal and riding back from the field trip in the back of THE TEACHER'S car one of his classmates asked him what it was and he told him. The child replied, "You're Catholic? You're stupid. Catholics pray to saints and to Mary and she was nothing," or words to that effect and then some. Of course the other 2 kids in that car started in on him too. Needless to say when I picked him up from school that day he wasn't too happy.

The next day when I took him to school I went and spoke to THE TEACHER and told her I was upset that she didn't intervene and tell the boy not to speak to Richard that way about his religion and that I wanted her to speak to those children if it comes up again. Her response to me, this is to my face mind you, was "They didn't say anything that isn't true. They didn't say Richard was stupid. They said Catholics are stupid because they pray to Mary and she is nothing. She was just a vessel."

Can you imagine? Holy crap.

Now the years have gone by and I'm agnostic. I'm sort of thinking Loyd will end up like his sister and brothers and be atheist and I'm fine with that but I am NOT fine with some of the comments other parents have made to me regarding our lack of religion and I'm certainly NOT ok with those who have determined that my son is some sort of danger to their kids. I have actually been told on more than one occasion (never in person, mind you). I had one mother tell me she thought I was being a bad parent because I don't bring him to church. "Just because you and your husband choose not to believe in Jesus doesn't mean your poor son should be denied his Glory." Those were her words to me.

Oh, one more little story. This happened recently, although not to me. One of my CHRISTIAN friends attended a homeschool function and her 10 y/o son (very nice boy) was seated next to the 8 y/o daughter of what can only be described as a fundamentalist wingnut. Now these children know each other and their mothers know each other fairly well. Not their first encounter. The kids were outside to play and when these two kids got up to walk out they were holding hands. Heaven forbid a little boy and a little girl should hold hands swinging their arms on their way out to the playground! This must surely be the devil's work because the mother of the little girl made a beeline across the hall and pulled the boy into the kitchen. (this was at a church hall) Naturally, the boy's mother headed toward the kitchen to see what this woman wanted with her son. Had he done something wrong?
The other mother said, "Oh, I dealt with it." What had she dealt with, my friend insisted. If her son had done something wrong, she wanted to make sure he didn't do it again. "He was holding my daughter's hand and that is inappropriate. I don't allow boys to touch my daughter."

Mike, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? These children are 8 & 10 years old. They are little kids heading outside to play. Can you imagine what would have happened if when they were parting he'd hugged her, as he almost always hugs my son when they are saying good-bye? That poor girl would have been corrupted I suppose.

I could go on and on but I'm pretty sure you get the picture now. Sorry to rant.

The attitude of some Fundamentalist Christians toward Catholicism reminds me of your attitude toward Zionists.

SheikBen wrote:Sam, that makes no sense. Of course one does not pray for matters that are of no present concern. All you would do is pray that bad things don't happen to you.

Mike, you must have forgotten what your question was.

How do you reckon that prayers have such a low success rate? You would have to imagine that blind chance would give it a higher rate.

Mike, the “success rate” for prayers is low because the majority of all prayers are asked by people because they know the “odds” are not in their favor to achieve their desired results. If the “odds” are around 50/50 then “blind chance” has an effect on the success rate, but if the “odds” are say 80/20 then “blind chance” would not have much of an effect on the success rate.

Given said, one assumes the “odds” are in their favor “before the fact” they learn of any danger …… so there is really no reason for one to be praying to prevent or avert said danger. But if one learns “after the fact” that a danger exists then they know for a fact the “odds” are NOT in their favor so they figure they best be praying to prevent or avert said danger.

Thus Michael, if one does most of their praying when their “odds for success” are not in their favor……. then they shouldn’t be expecting a “high success rate”. Praying and betting on the Trifecta have a lot in common.

And Mike, don’t forget, there are two (2) types of prayers. One you ask for yourself and one you ask for others. And the majority asked for one’s self are never divulged to another person.

SheikBen wrote:Of course, as a fundamentalist Christian I believe in a Sovereign God who can answers my prayers with yes or no. I do not worship a cosmic bellboy who does as I command.

So Mike, what is the purpose for praying …… if one already knows what their Sovereign God’s answers are going to be? Why not just do something constructive and rewarding like mowing the lawn?

Zionism isn't a religion. It is a political movement.

Sam my wife mows the lawn. Eat your heart out.

Just because God can say no does not mean that he always does. To be sure, I am not praying to give God commands but to ask His favor and to communicate with Him. I also thank Him for blessings that surround me.

Cato wrote:Stephanie,

Have you ever listened to the theme from "Legends of the Fall". It is really nice. I love that kind of music.

Now, on to my comment. I read your post and believe me I can understand your flustration. What I fail to understand is that you seem to blame Christainity itself, instead of the people who misuse it or who use some of the most unthoughtful and unkind ways to brow beat another because they don't share the same beliefs.

I would like to explore this with you. Not to change your mind but to understand how you arrived at the conclusion you have regarding christainity.

I'm not familiar with it. I'll google it and see if I can find it online.

You think I single out Christianity because you and all the other people we know in common are either some variety of Christian or agnostic or atheist. I feel that way about all organized religions based upon historical facts coupled with current events & personal experience.

I could ask you the same thing about Islam but I think I already know the answer. Not only does it run counter to your own faith, all of your experiences with Islam have been negative. I don't share your view of Islam because I have known some Muslims and had good experiences with them.

Steph is correct that Zionism is not a religion, but it is a belief for many that comes out of religion. I do not believe that God is done with Israel and its very existence is an example of a fulfilled Biblical prophecy.

One can be a Christian or a Jew without being a Zionist, but I do think it is a logical progression.

SheikBen wrote:Sam my wife mows the lawn. Eat your heart out.

Just because God can say no does not mean that he always does. To be sure, I am not praying to give God commands but to ask His favor and to communicate with Him. I also thank Him for blessings that surround me.

Whatever you do don't tell my husband that! Sheeeesh........I'm not mowing the lawn any more!

Stephanie wrote:
I'm not familiar with it. I'll google it and see if I can find it online.

You think I single out Christianity because you and all the other people we know in common are either some variety of Christian or agnostic or atheist. I feel that way about all organized religions based upon historical facts coupled with current events & personal experience.

I could ask you the same thing about Islam but I think I already know the answer. Not only does it run counter to your own faith, all of your experiences with Islam have been negative. I don't share your view of Islam because I have known some Muslims and had good experiences with them.

You are right my views of islam are negative. You are also correct my views come from my interaction with muslims and from what is presented in the media. My question is however, is the practice of the faith of islam bad or is it that people make it evil.

Religion makes people do crazy, sometimes really bad things. I don't see it as an either/or proposition.

I want to addres these one by one.


10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

--I do not feel outraged when someone denies the existence of God. I feel pity (and that may seem intolerant) but I truly do. Outrage, no. Not even anger. Not a twinge of malice. Some of my dearest friends deny the existence of God so I pray for them, and they are no less my friends.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

--I do not feel dehumanized when they say I'm the result of the accidental collision of atoms, I simply don't buy it.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

I have never laughed at a polytheist, and find those who mock Hindus and other polytheists to be counterproductive at best.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

Joshua makes me flinch, but I believe that realliy did happen. I also don't think God has given any such direction in any time since, including Muslims. As such, I afford Muslims the courtesy of knowing that their faith may or may not incite them to violence, although I am convinced they are wrong on matters of faith.

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

Again, I do not laugh at Hindu beliefs, and no Christian believes that the Holy Spirit had sex with Mary.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

Far from looking for loopholes, Sam, I am convinced from study within my own discipline that academics are given to assuming things and then saying them authoritatively. I giggle whenever I see an age of the sun differ by a billion years when I go from one museum to the next, wondering how an 8 hour drive can bring about such a change. I know well (again from study in my own field) the role that initial conditions play in a calculation.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

Many realities are not particularly pleasant, including root canals and the fattening effects of biscuits and gravy.

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

My journey to faith was not through pentecostalism, and I doubt very much that Keli's was, either.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

"To the believer, no evidence is necessary; to the skeptic, no evidence is possible."

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

I've taken all of the cute tests and scored very highly. Of course, someone who has "inherited" (or thought to have inherited) their Christianity who does not give it much though will score lower on a test for atheists who have thought matters through and chosen atheism.

SheikBen wrote:Steph is correct that Zionism is not a religion, but it is a belief for many that comes out of religion. I do not believe that God is done with Israel and its very existence is an example of a fulfilled Biblical prophecy.

One can be a Christian or a Jew without being a Zionist, but I do think it is a logical progression.

Do you think it's a logical progression for Christians or for our government SB?